3 lbs. a week

As much as I love the holidays, I also seriously hate them! My family LOVES going out to eat (especially Italian food) so we went to NYC to a cute little italian place, but then Olive Garden today! Needless to say, this all stops tomorrow.

After being intrigued by my friend Ellen and her fast that she undertook, I decided to research how to lose 3 lbs a week.

After being de-railed for the latter half of June, I want to make some serious strides! Losing weight seems to be (at the basic level) a numbers game, and I wanted to see what it would look like for me to lose 3 lbs in a week.

I found this article that describes what you need to do, and after plugging in the values for my age, height and weight, it came down to this:

Step One: Calculate your resting metabolic rate (determined by your age, height, weight, and activity level. I usually put moderate activity, because while I try to workout everyday, I don't really think it's "high intensity" at all). Mine is 2,550 calories a day.

Step Two: Subtract 600 calories from this number, as the number of calories you're going to eat in a day. 2,550-600 = 1,950. While this number seemed a bit high to me, just wait until you see what's next. It all made sense after that.

Step Three: Burn NINE HUNDRED CALORIES A DAY.  This brings my daily caloric intake to 1,050 after subtracting exercise.

I know that this all won't make sense unless you read the article, so before you begin to think that I'm insane, just read the article on caloric deficits that I linked above.

Thought: I suppose you could reverse this and cut out 900 calories a day and burn 600. To me, this seems a bit more reasonable. At the end of the day, you're going to have a 1,500 calorie deficit each day.


I know it seems like a tall order, but I'm going to try this out because, well, what have I got to lose?!

I'll be reporting each day on my caloric intake and exercise to keep track.

Ride For A Reason

Last Sunday, I accomplished something that I didn't think I'd be able to do. I rode 22 miles for a bike race. It was gruesome, tiring, challenging and hellacious, but I did it.

Last Sunday, I also ate a lot. That race burned around 1,600 calories for me and I definitely needed some energy back. I ended up throwing caution in the wind, and consuming MANY, MANY, MANY, calories that day.

I thought it would be a one time thing, but it wasn't. I felt a familiar feeling creep back into my life - the idea that my stomach was an eternal black hole and nothing could fill it. After the race, I went to Panera and filled up on Black Bean Soup and a Tomato and Mozzarella Panini (well, well worth it). I enjoyed every last bite of that creamy yet tangy sandwich, and if I try really hard I can still taste the kick of the Black Bean Soup. That meal was gratifying. After that race, that meal really gave me the energy that a banana and a couple Chewy bars couldn't really replenish.

Another thing happened on Sunday as well. I crumbled. I lost control, and worst of all, I lost my mindset. I lost the ability and the reasoning that would tell my brain to put down the cookie and step away from the cheese. I lost the motivation to keep fighting my wants. I gave in. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did.

I remember the exact moment it happened, too. I went downstairs and there was an opened packet of Oatmeal Raisin cookies sitting on the counter. You have to remember, I love, like seriously LOVE, baked goods. I saw the last three cookies sitting on the counter and something snapped. I told myself what the hell, you can have it. Just sit down, pour yourself a glass of milk and have the cookies.

So I did. Then I ate an apple cinnamon muffin, and some basil pesto pasta for dinner.

...I haven't stopped since.

But this week, I realized something valuable. I realized that half the stuff I was eating, I didn't even want to be eating.

 

 I was the cake, and my brain was Mrs. Trunchbull, making me eat cake that I didn't even want to be eating. I was forcing myself into eating something that I knew wasn't beneficial for me at all.

 

I'd like to return to my previous eating habits, because I might have gotten bored with them in the moment, but I know that in the long run what I was doing was so much better for me.

 

I have to weigh myself tomorrow, and the fact that the scale isn't going to be in my favor is enough to make me regret every single thing that I've eaten in this past week. Last week I hit a personal low for me, and it was incredibly stupid of me to give up seeing an even lower number on the scale, just for food.

 

I have to do it, though. I have to see the number and see how poor actions cause poor results.

 

I'm not writing this as a depressing thing, but because I know that I have to be mentally ready to work hard again because I've set myself backward. 

 

 

Bad Days

The other day, I had a bad eating day. Not because I went over my calories, but because I couldn't control myself. After having an OK day all day, cravings struck me around 9pm.

All I could think about was food. I mean, lick-your-fingers and the bowl type of food. I wanted chocolate cake with ice cream on it, and then a slice of warm apple pie right after. Hell, I probably could have gone for some french fries too.

I hate the fact that food controls my thoughts, emotions and feelings. I hate being emotionally dependent on food. 

I get crazy cravings that make me rummage through the fridge, looking for stuff we don't have, and in the process, eating lots of crazy things and binging, sad, frustrated and very unsatisfied.

I know that in my last post I talked about having a healthy relationship with food, but I don't think I understood how hard that comes.

It means that when I'm laying in bed after dinner watching TV, I can't indulge in that bowl of ice cream. It also means that when my family is ordering take out for dinner, I can't have a couple bites here and there (because, for me, that always turns into half a plate of food I didn't need).

It's so hard to detach myself from something that I have to do everyday. I have to eat, but I have to eat right. I have to learn that chomping on obscure foods isn't going to crack that craving, but that instead I really do just have to have a glass of water and do something else. 

Trust me, I know ALL the tips. I just have to follow them. 

 I thought that by allowing myself to have a small, healthy desert everyday, I could banish these cravings. But, let's be honest, 100 calorie greek yogurt ice cream really isn't as good as apple pie a la mode.

I guess I just have to really remind myself how excited I was when I made my way out of the 250s, and how much hitting the next  milestone is going to mean to me.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, right?

While I don't know if I will ever consider that statement to be true, I do know that I can't afford to cheat in the beginning stages of my regime. Right now, I'm in a vulnerable place where I'm trying really hard to stick to a routine, but my old cravings are creeping back into my life. I have to power through it and understand that going down into the kitchen after dinner can only end badly.

My roommate in freshman year told me that nothing good ever happens after 2 am. 
 I have to concur with her on this, because nothing good ever happens in the kitchen after 9pm.

There is nothing worse than when you eat something bad, and immediately regret it after you swallow. I used to get so depressed and would, in turn keep stuffing the cream cheese frosting down my throat, thinking there's no point in stopping now.

I did the same with a sleeve (or maybe a couple boxes) of Girl Scout Cookies. I was eating them mindlessly, when I realized that I was almost finished with the entire TWO boxes.  I had maybe 5 cookies left, and I wrapped it up and put them away, hoping to find distraction in TV. Unfortunately, my one track food brain couldn't stop thinking about those cookies and I ended up eating the rest thinking that I might as well finish them now, because they'd be gone sooner or later.

This type of behavior is what makes me feel saddened by my relationship with food.  


Food controls me, when I should be controlling it. 


After that night's binge, I have been eating much better, and will forever fight the urge to eat the whole box of dark chocolate in my freezer.

Cheat Meals

Happy Mothers Day to all the beautiful moms out there in the world! I want to give a special shout out to my mom who does more for me, and our family, than anyone. Without her, I wouldn't be anywhere. I truly love you so much!

(edit: to anyone who I actually know that reads this blog has probably seen this photo circling my social media on various occasions. This is actually the ONLY photo my mom and I have taken in a very long time). 


I had a great day today with my family, and had some great food at P.F. Chang's, which is one of my moms favorite places to eat. I had lots of delicious food, including a couple pieces of sweet and sour chicken, some lemon chicken, scallops, coconut curry tofu and lots of other deliciousness. I didn't really count my calories at all, but I did try to limit my portions and not eat too much.

I did well, I think. I had a couple pieces of each dish, along with a couple bites of dessert.  I wish I had taken more pictures of the food, but we were all so focused on eating (typical) that all Instagramming was forgotten.

I do have one picture, of the amazing cast-iron pot that the oolong tea was served in. As a tea fanatic, I never really understood the hype that major tea stores (Teavana, anyone? I'm addicted to that place) place in marketing cast iron pots. But after having some delicious tea out of it, I'm sold on it. They're probably a little too expensive and a tad un-realistic to brew tea in regularly, but it was pretty cool!

Since it's not real unless it's on Instagram.....can I un-count this meal?

 I think that because I am OK now with "letting go" for one meal a week, I put less pressure on myself, and it's easier to pick up clean eating again. Not going to lie though, I did have Chipotle last night, so does that count as two cheat meals? Oh well...

For the rest of the week, however, there are no excuses and I plan to be on-point with my eating game.  I've got weight to lose!


I'm probably going to take a post-eating nap and then hit the gym to start my second week of Couch 2 5K, and continue with Week 1 Day 3 of LiveFit.

It's weird, I'm starting to enjoy the gym. Who am I?

Hope everyone has a great mothers day!