10 lbs

I've been a horrible blogger, horrible weight-loser, and a great excuse maker.

Over the past few weeks, not only have I not blogged, I lost track of my weight loss. I slipped up, never fully recovered, and am just now FINALLY back at where I started.

10 pounds down. It's the second week in JULY and I've only lost 10 pounds! I swear, it's like the scale won't let me go below 246.But honestly, I know it's all my fault and I have no one else to blame.


My eating habits never have been okay throughout this whole process. I constantly justify 'cheats', or little sweets, etc.!

I can't say there will be no more, but there will be LESS. I am striving for a whole week of clean eating with no cheating this week.

That, coupled with yoga and TRX classes should bring me down at least 2-3 lbs this week as well.

My goal for 7/14/2013 is to weigh 243 lbs.

Balance

As I write this post, I am heavily procrastinating studying for a test. So I find it oddly ironic that I'm preaching balance, when really, I hardly have any in my life. I feel like I go from one extreme to the next, causing tidal waves whichever I way I go.

I started work last week. It was hard for me to adjust to the schedule of working full time two days a week and part time for one, and on those days have to come home and workout. It's so much easier to just grab a to-go meal and lay in bed.


.....but we all know what the result of that was. I gained two pounds last week!

This week, I'd like to see the number 245 on the scale. I've been reaching for that number, standing on my tippy-toes but not quiteeeee making it.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, but I am determined to not let it get to me and to have everything under control.

Some things I've learned from working in an office 20 hours a week:

1. Constantly sitting is really boring, and surprisingly tiring.
2. It's important to have healthy snacks with you at all times or you WILL succumb to your neighboring vending machine. 
3. It's not weird to bring lemons and some knives to work to help spice up your water. 
4. It's so much easier to put on your workout clothes at work and just exercise at the staff gym. I have to drive home to get to the gym, and I always mange to convince myself that I'll just 'rest for a bit at home' and then come back. 
5. I'm going to bring in green tea bags to have something to sip on besides water.
6. OFFICES ARE VERY BORING PLACES.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to use my lunch break to workout because I have to dash somewhere after work. I plan on doing a quick-but-vigorous 45 minute workout (30 minutes treadmill, 15 elliptical). Hopefully I can put myself back together enough to last the rest of the day. I don't wanna look a mess my second week at work!

Losertown

A while ago on Tumblr, I found this site. It's called Losertown, and it's a great weight loss calculator that I use to keep myself motivated.

After plugging in all the above information, the site tells you exactly how much you'll weigh if you follow everything correctly. I haven't really kept track of its accuracy, but I use it as more of a motivator than anything else.

I just get super excited to think about myself weighing less and less. It's crazy to think that if I keep this up for a year, I could be around 139 lbs. I haven't seen that number on the scale in a very, very, very long time!

Just for shits and giggles I'm going to post my predicted calendar on here, and as the weeks pass, I'm going to see if this actually works. But keep in mind that I go over or under my 1300 calorie goal a lot, so it's probably not going to be accurate, but I've always wanted to try it just because

The idea that I could be 188 by my birthday is all the motivation that I need. I am not celebrating my birthday in a fat suit again.

June is halfway O V E R

Can you guys believe it? June is almost halfway over! There are 6 official days until summer!

I for one, have definitely lost track of some of the goals that I set for myself this month, so I wanted to bring them back up and into action.

Goal #1: Run 3-5 times a week

Goal #2: Eat on track (1,300) calories

Goal #3: Cut out added sugars

Goal #4: 3-4 cups of green tea/day

Goal #5: Read two classics

Goal #6: Update blog regularly

Goal #7: Stop lamenting myself.


Ultimate Goal: Lose 10 lbs and be 235.7


Well, with about 15 days left in the month, I know that I'm not going to lose ten pounds by June 30th. I lost a week of clean eating and working out and set myself back, but it is okay. I am seeing a lot of progress and this journey is more about improving myself than anything else.

So far, I've definitely accomplished Goal #1 the most. I have started running more often and with more frequency and am definitely enjoying it a lot more than I once used to. I still am getting the hang of it, but I am at least trying to run.

On the other hand, goal number 2, 3 and 4 are the ones that I am accomplishing with the LEAST amount of frequency. I am going to cup with a solution for this, because cutting out added sugars, eating properly, and drinking more green tea are something that I've been trying to do for a while now.

I have worked on Goal #7 though. While, I'm not going to lie and say that there haven't been days (or a succession of days) where I've been unhappy with myself, I have started looking towards the positive more often than I did before. That's what matters, right?


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So, with 16 days left in the month, I am going to re-start and re-check my goals. I'm going to cup with a list of solutions to help me 'solve' my goals.

Goal #1: Run 3-5 times a week.
    - with work starting, I have been going to the gym far less regularly. I am either going to start packing my gym clothes with me and just going straight from work or keeping the clothes on the first floor of my house and going right to the basement and running.

Goal #2: Eat on track (1,300) calories
   -This is something that has been a continuous challenge for me. On Sunday, I am going to try 'meal prepping' and only eating (for the entire week) what I prepare. I have to focus, and tell myself repeatedly that it's mind over matter with this one.

Goal #3: Cut out added sugars
  - No plan for this one yet. I may have to put it on the back burner, to be honest.

Goal #4: 3-4 cups of green tea/day

  - I am going to brew a jug of green tea that I keep in the fridge so I can drink it when I want.


I'm not going to be able to perfectly implement all 7 of my goals, but I'll be doing better than when I started if I keep it up with these 4.

It's crazy to think how time FLIES by.

The official countdown to the start of school is: 73 days!

Ride For A Reason

Last Sunday, I accomplished something that I didn't think I'd be able to do. I rode 22 miles for a bike race. It was gruesome, tiring, challenging and hellacious, but I did it.

Last Sunday, I also ate a lot. That race burned around 1,600 calories for me and I definitely needed some energy back. I ended up throwing caution in the wind, and consuming MANY, MANY, MANY, calories that day.

I thought it would be a one time thing, but it wasn't. I felt a familiar feeling creep back into my life - the idea that my stomach was an eternal black hole and nothing could fill it. After the race, I went to Panera and filled up on Black Bean Soup and a Tomato and Mozzarella Panini (well, well worth it). I enjoyed every last bite of that creamy yet tangy sandwich, and if I try really hard I can still taste the kick of the Black Bean Soup. That meal was gratifying. After that race, that meal really gave me the energy that a banana and a couple Chewy bars couldn't really replenish.

Another thing happened on Sunday as well. I crumbled. I lost control, and worst of all, I lost my mindset. I lost the ability and the reasoning that would tell my brain to put down the cookie and step away from the cheese. I lost the motivation to keep fighting my wants. I gave in. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did.

I remember the exact moment it happened, too. I went downstairs and there was an opened packet of Oatmeal Raisin cookies sitting on the counter. You have to remember, I love, like seriously LOVE, baked goods. I saw the last three cookies sitting on the counter and something snapped. I told myself what the hell, you can have it. Just sit down, pour yourself a glass of milk and have the cookies.

So I did. Then I ate an apple cinnamon muffin, and some basil pesto pasta for dinner.

...I haven't stopped since.

But this week, I realized something valuable. I realized that half the stuff I was eating, I didn't even want to be eating.

 

 I was the cake, and my brain was Mrs. Trunchbull, making me eat cake that I didn't even want to be eating. I was forcing myself into eating something that I knew wasn't beneficial for me at all.

 

I'd like to return to my previous eating habits, because I might have gotten bored with them in the moment, but I know that in the long run what I was doing was so much better for me.

 

I have to weigh myself tomorrow, and the fact that the scale isn't going to be in my favor is enough to make me regret every single thing that I've eaten in this past week. Last week I hit a personal low for me, and it was incredibly stupid of me to give up seeing an even lower number on the scale, just for food.

 

I have to do it, though. I have to see the number and see how poor actions cause poor results.

 

I'm not writing this as a depressing thing, but because I know that I have to be mentally ready to work hard again because I've set myself backward.